The Strange Case of Rupert

Two years ago, I met this girl at school who from day one I really liked.

I found out she lived just down the road from me. I got really hung up on her and did not know what to do. I danced with her once at a school disco but I know it didn't mean anything to her.

By the end of the year the whole school knew I liked her. She gave me the absolute cold shoulder and very harshly turned me down.

I did not see her for the next summer but when we returned to school I found out that we were in the same class. After a bit of (understandable) anxiety, we hit it off as good friends. I still really liked her but tried my best not to [let her know] because our friendship meant a lot to both of us and was too important to jeopardize. Lots of her friends thought we either were, or should, go out together. At the time we shrugged it off happily.

By the end of the school year I found myself really liking her again. On the last day she admitted to lying to me about something for a long time. I accepted it and we parted for the summer holidays.

I went to Australia to visit my grandparents and found myself really missing her. I thought about my acceptance of the lie and had to re-think where she stood with me. I came to the conclusion that I must really like her.

I met her again after about three weeks. We went out cycling and she asked me how she felt to me. I panicked because I did not want to lose her friendship and lied slightly.

She said that she would really like to go out with me if we were not best friends. I stupidly said that it would damage our friendship and that we should not do it. (Jimbo: That was your big mistake)

For the next few days I tried to piece my life together. We then went out on another cycle ride were I told her that I regretted saying what I did. She however, had agreed with the idea and said she did not want to go out with me and was no longer attracted to me. She explained that she had missed me whilst she was in Greece and had realized she liked me too. She had wanted to go out with me for a month, of which I saw her for the last four days. She said it was not the right time for her and was not interested in a relationship of that kind.

We talked about the pros and cons of going out (J: This is a new approach to dating), I had said that a more sensual relationship than the one we had at the moment, (i.e. as friends) would be a pro. She said that was not something that came into it. I was mostly just joking when I said it but she took it for real and I think now she has the wrong impression of me which could be why she does not like me any more.

I found out that most of her friends knew about it for ages. She is my best friend and I hers so I spoke extremely openly to her when we discussed it, so she thinks I lack in experience of emotional control and thinks that is a bad thing. I am angry about how quickly she changes her mind (J: Get used to it) and do not think I can really go on being just friends as it has been very hard. I am also worried that she thinks the only reason I wanted to go out with her is because of physical contact (J: But a major reason?), which is not true. I simply want to go out with her because my feelings for her are stronger than just those of a friend and until a few days ago, she felt the same. What should I do?

Rupert.

Dear Rupert,

So you blew it. I've been there.

Next time try not to overanalyze things (pros and cons of dating, indeed). You'll come across as more relaxed and the object of your affection (infection?) should pick up on that. Help set Rupert straight here.

Jimbo

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