Every week, I get more letters than I possible have time to answer.

Now's your chance to be Jimbo for a Day. Read through the following letters, and e-mail your responses to these poor distraught souls.

Remember, humor counts more than good advice.

Dear Jimbo,

I am an 18 year old college student. I've always had many boyfriends/guyfriends. I've never had a problem getting what I want. Lately, it's been the exact opposite. I have a guy friend that I am very interested in. The problem is that I don't know if he feels the same. I've tried to drop hints, but I'm not sure if he's getting them. He's always tickling me, sitting next to me, teasing me, and the basic physical interaction.On the other hand he is always telling me about his dates. I am getting some very mixed signals. I truly like this guy and love being with him. I don't want to ruin our friendship by being point blank, but how do I go about letting him know how I feel without feeling like a complete fool and losing a friend at the same time.

Love Fool

The Readers Respond

Jill: Run up and plant a big kiss on his lips. if he doesn't get then, he isn't going to get it ever.

Brian S. Just give him an opportunity to ask you out on a date. Devise some method where it is clear that you have no plans for the evening, an extra set of tickets, would hate to go all alone... etc, etc.. If he picks up on this, you know he is interested. Barring all that, I believe life is just too short for worrying about trivial matters. Be bold, ask him out. You know what I mean, Eugene?

Willis: Just do it. Ask him yourself. He hasn't gotten the message yet.

Jasa: Your situation seems all too familiar. I was getting these mixed signals from one of my best friends who I was interested in, but I didn't know what the deal was because ever since I'd known him he talked about this girl he went to high school with and was totally obsessed with. Then we were at the movies one day and he started to hold my hand. Two days later he told another friend that he still cared about this other girl and that he just wanted to be friends with me. This was last week, and he still hasn't talked to me about it, mainly because of midterm overload. However, I'm not mad at him anymore, but I really do miss chilling out in his room. My advice is if you're good friends, stay friends. I find very few things in this world are worth losing a friend over. If he really is interested, he'll make it clear, and the same should be true for you. If he's talking about other girls, there's something wrong with the situation. But then again, maybe I'm just too bitter at this point to give good advice. Frisco

Hey Fool -

Obviously he is telling/lying to you about other dates to make you jealous so you will go after him!! (Done it myself.) Ta, ta.

Send in Your Response to Love Fool

Dear Jimbo,

I recently discovered that one of my friends was interested in me for a long time. However, she decided that I took too long to respond to her so called "hints" that she decided to get on with her life. How should I court her now that she is giving me the cold should?

Helpless

Send in Your Response to Helpless

The Readers Respond

P: Tell the girl that you finally had a chance to think about her "hints." And you realized you really do like her. If she does turn you down or keeps giving you the "cold shoulder," then maybe she really isn't what you that she was. It never hurts to try. What is there to lose?!

Jill: Explain to her you're clueless when it comes to hints and fall at her feet to worship her.

Wayne: A moment missed is a moment lost. And a faint heart never won a fair maiden.

Theresa: It seems Freud has gotten to you before I could have. It seems your could-be-love has given you the cold 'shower'. Or perhaps the 'cold shower' was just one of the many hints you failed to see. Please clarify your letter.

Jimbo: Send her bouquets of roses, accompanied by poems that reveal what a fool you've been.

Dear Jimbo,

Met this nice girl through a friend (another girl) but I have tried unsuccessfully to meet her again. Should I ask friend#1 for new girl's phone number ? Where do I go from here ? Date or another casual group thing.

Lost in the Crowd

Send in Your Response to Lost in the Crowd

Dear Lost,

Ask for the number. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Jimbo

The Readers Respond

Jill: All you have to say is: "Can I call you sometime?" She'll let you know the answer quickly, and kindly. If she doesn't like you, it's not much of an embarrassment.

Dear Jimbo,

I have a crush on this guy friend of mine. We met months ago at work but we both quit the company at different times. We stayed in touch, went out to dinner some, even held hands once or twice. Sometimes he is very busy for quite a while (he works long hours) yet he nearly always seems very pleased to see me if I run into him (about once a week or so). I do more of the calling, I'll admit, but if I call him we talk usually for at least half an hour or more. He's thoughtful, asks how I am, and listens well.

He's been dumped before and perhaps he's afraid I'll do the same? He is fascinating to me, which is more important than being ravishing (he is very cute in his own right). Plus, he's a gentleman.

He is much shyer than I am yet he is fairly open with me. I know lots of neat things about him. He never lies, either, which is wonderful.

I think he and I have a certain chemistry. We seem to be on the same wavelength about certain things.

Being friends is fine but I'd rather date him. Yet I'd hate to set myself up for absolute rejection. Should I quit calling him altogether and see if he calls me? I have dated some other guys casually lately but none has intrigued me like this guy. He has low self-esteem; doesn't find himself attractive. Sometimes if I compliment him he will brush it off (if I say "nice shirt" then he'll say "needs to be cleaned").He liked a couple of other girls for a while but gosh darn, they're taken.

If I run into him on the street we always talk for at least ten minutes.But he doesn't make plans to see me. He does work a lot. Still...Once he lit up like a torch when he saw me. Another time, as we parted we said goodbye and then I looked back and caught him looking back at me.

Any advice? Give up, wait or say something?

One final note: I invited him to an office party but he said it was nothing personal, he didn't want to go because he disliked parties. He added that he dislikes parties of any type.

We're both in our twenties. He's several years older than I am. Any way to make him "come around"?

Confused

Send in Your Response to Confused

A portrait of Jimbo as a young man

Send your dating dilemma to Jimbo's Big Book of Dating

The Readers Respond

Brad: Hey , sounds like the guy is just enjoying what you have know as a friendship and in time he will get used to having you around. So if you stop calling him, it's more than likely he will call you back because he miss the conversation between you two. He probably also is giving you time also so you're not crowded by him.

M: He sounds just like my boyfriend used to be--and my boyfriend was the one who had a crush on me the whole time! I think that he really does like you, but he may be afraid to make the first move.

Start off with group dates to places like pool halls or something, and keep letting him know how special he is. Hopefully he'll come around. Don't let go of this one!

Satisfied: Is this guy a techno-nerd? If he is, then he may need a little more encouragement than the average guy. When I met my techno-nerd (20 years ago!) I had to gently lead him into the ways of love.

1. Get him alone.

2. Keep him talking about what HE is interested in.

3. Touch him, a lot, but not in a threatening way.

4. Let him know you think he's the greatest thing since Bisquik

After you have done these things for a few months...

5. Start talking about your relationship together.

6. Keep touching.

7. Don't have a heart attack when he actually kisses you.

Experience with my techno-nerd has shown that once you uncork the bottle, there's no stopping. So you better be committed before you start step 1. There's nothing quite like a romantic techno-nerd. I'll keep mine for always. Good luck.

Concerned: Just want to clue you in on something. Don't want to scare you, but listen to this. This guy your interested in sounds just like my ex-husband. He was shy, had low self-esteem and didn't like crowds either. He was very much like the guy your talking about and I just want to warn you. I also did most of the calling when we dated.  It turned out that the reason he was so quiet was because he led and entirely secret life, he was and still is addicted to pornography and was completely unable to form an intimate relationship with me. In the years we had been married, he got more and more withdrawn and distant. He blamed me for his addiction , saying I reminded him of the abusive woman who raised him. Then I was too fat, he said. It was always my fault.  I tell you, if a man doesn't pursue you, you had better run the opposite direction. Sounds like he has a personality disorder, believe me, I am serious as a heart attack! Run, run, run, you will only have much heartache in the future.

Wayne:  I am a guy and I have been in his shoes more than once. Believe me, just like herding cattle,he's more afraid of you than you are of him!!! Don't be serious but be forward and honest. That way you have a graceful out if necessary.

James T.: I think the reason why you're so interested in this shy guy is because he's a big challenge for you. Usually someone who has low self esteem or has a problem loving himself will most likely have a problem loving you. In the long run, he'll probably become dull to you or start behaving like a psychopath.

Jimbo: If a shy guy doesn't come around after you've expressed your interest, you probably should keep looking for someone who will reciprocate your affections.

Dear Jimbo,

I'm in my late 30's and I still feel very uncomfortable dating men.I often become tongue tied and my mind goes blank--any suggestions?

Social Phobic

Send in Your Response to Social Phobic

The Readers Respond

Wayne: People generally like to talk about themselves. Become an expert at asking open ended questions about their work, family, birthplace, high school, etc.

Jennie: Forget it, they are not worth the trouble! Jimbo Join a club where you have to interact with others. You'll have much more opportunities for conversations and you won't have to try to hard.

Dear Jimbo,

I met this wonderful women a few weeks ago on the internet. We started e-mailing each other and pretty soon talking for many hours on the phone. She lives fairly close and the other night I took her to the ballet. On the phone she seemed incredibly interested in me but in person she was rather standoffish. Any advice?

Confused, But Not as Confused as the Person in the Letter Above

Send in Your Response to Not as Confused

The Readers Respond

Jill: She may be shy, or she may just find you aren't the one for her. A physical attraction in a relationship can be just as important as the mental one you have already found. The magic may just not be there.

James T.: This person was probably not too attracted to you. If you guys really  clicked over the phone and she acted standoffish in person, then that just makes her very superficial. Try calling her again and see if she's  still the same on the phone. If not, forget it and move on to meeting people in person first.    

Dear Jimbo,

I think that a certain girl may be interested in me. Of course, this could be a delusion that I'm creating, brought on by the fact that I'm kind of interested in her. I feel very distant from her. She is not friends with any of my close friends. I see her a few times a day, but we never have really talked for more than a minute. I am extremely lousy at holding a conversation. On top of that, I have a tendency to stutter, and do other things to mess up words that come out of my mouth. Nonetheless, I sense that she likes me from the way she responds to me. Is this a figment of my imagination? How can I tell, since I don't even really talk to her? What's a good way to get closer?

Don't Date Much...

Send in Your Response to Don't Date

The Readers Respond

Jena: Go ahead and talk to this girl, but if she doesn't respond, don't feel bad. If she won't give you a chance, there's plenty of girls who will. Most girls like shy guys. Good luck!

Jill: Send her a letter or a note...give her your e-mail, your phone # or some way to contact you that's not face to face. Me I'm in the same situation, but I'm the female. I am so interested in a guy at work. In the beginning there was a lot of eye contact but that got uncomfortable after a while. I try to create opportunities for him to talk to me but they always fall through. Sensing he is a little bit shy, as I am (only around him) I don't know how to initiate us going any  further. Then I wonder too, is his interest a figment of my imagination, and it's driving me mad. I'm trying to hold to the old rule of letting  the guy make the first move. So JUST DO IT! ASK HER OUT! TALK TO HER! ANYTHING! She may be waiting for you to do SOMETHING.

Jennie: Some cheap advice, read a book!

Jimbo: Invite her out to lunch. It's less pressure than a dinner date and it will give you a chance to talk to her. Good luck!

Jimbo,

I just met this guy a week ago. Our friends set us up. We hit it off really well, and have seen each other quite a bit in this week. The problem is I just go out of a horrible relationship less than a month ago. I want to take this one slow and not rush into anything. How do I tell him to back off a little without pushing him away?

Problematic

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Alright, here's one for you Jimbo:

I'm an 18 year old guy who's shy around women. I'm seeing a twenty one year old. I would like to move the relationship along in the right direction, but being the much younger and less experienced, I don't know how to go about that.

Lost

Send in Your Response to Lost

Kate: Go with the flow and do what comes naturally. This will help to create a
relationship that fits the two of you.

Dear Jimbo

I sent an e-mail last week regarding a dating dilemma but I have seen no response.

What's Up??

Dear What's Up,

I get more mail than I have time to answer. I'm experimenting now with opening the dating dilemmas up for readers' comments.

Jimbo

Dear Jimbo

I'm a 15 year old girl , and in the last year, I've started dating and I've already had 7 boyfriends. Something is wrong with me though, I always seem to end up with total jerk-offs who like me just coz they think I'm gorgeous. I want to find a guy who will love me for what I am and not how I look. I'm a smart person, with a great sense of humour...so, tell me how do I find a guy caring enough to last for more than two months??

By the way, there is this guy I really like, I've had a crush on him for 4 years. Unfortunately, his brother likes me, so he dares not make a move. But it's him I like, not his brother.

Please help me!!

Julia Roberts Sister?

Send in Your Response to Julia

The Readers Respond

M: When you're on your dates, look for the gentlemen--the ones that open doors for you, ask about your day, and won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, like kissing you when you don't want to.

If he can't be honest and sweet, he's not worth it. As for the guy you've liked for 4 years, I've been there. Let him know that you like him--but in a discreet way. If you don't you'll be mad at yourself later for never trying!

Chen Ignore the older brother and date the younger one. One cannot order love.

He will respect your decision!

Copyright © 1998 Jimbo Nelson