More Jimbo's Big Book of Dating

In every serious romance, there comes that critical moment when everything jells together and you know this is who you've been looking for. But how do you tell her? I always want to do it right at that moment of realization because that feels most spontaneous and natural. (But please wait till she finishes that bite of baloney sandwich.)

So you've said it. In our culture, when you say "I love you" to someone, you are also asking "Do you love me?" To make no response to such an admission is poor form, and, even worse, poor manners.

Let your girlfriend know (in a casual way, don't make a big production out of it. Anything that involves semaphore flags is definitely a bad idea) that it's okay for
her to plant a smooch on you unexpectedly. When she does kiss you in this manner, you're in for a shock.

The first effect of being kissed without warning is vertigo. You'd swear you'd been sucker-punched if it weren't all so pleasant. Once you've been kissed this way you'll know why your dates are sometimes taken back by a sudden romantic move. But such maneuvers are the only real way to be romantic.

What woman would go out with a guy who telegraphed all his intentions? "Sue dear, I'm feeling very romantic now. Don't be surprised if I soon press my lips against yours in a fit of unbridled passion." A woman would have that guy out of her apartment, out of her building, and out of her life in three minutes.

Women don't want to hear a game plan of how you're going to physically express your affection. It's much better to do it and let the chips fall where they may. Explanations may be needed later. For example, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" demands a quick, sincere, and (hopefully) clever reply. Good luck.

The Proper Way to Woo

Who woos anymore? Not very many from what I can see. Yet the payoff from an accomplished period of wooing can be, well, woonderful. Wooing , I'm sad to report, fell from favor about the same time that chivalry did. (For that matter, who chivals anymore? And what ever became of that French actor, Maurice Chivalier?)

The most important ingredient to successfully woo is you! Everything else you need can be found in a well-stocked home center if you're a handyman, a garden center if you're a gardener, and a stationery store if you're a writer. Make the woman you love part of the things that are most important to you. That's true intimacy, and that's the best way to woo a woman.

A writer can win a woman's heart by sending her poetry, by letting her read each new chapter of his book as it comes off the printer. Similarly, a gardener grows the flowers he sends to his beloved. He plants the seeds, waters them, and nurtures the plants as they grow and bloom. When the gardener give his woman those flowers, he is truly giving a part of himself. A handyman might make his woman a new set of kitchen cabinets. That might not seem as romantic as poetry or flowers, but the hours devoted to constructing, staining, and installing the cabinets make them an act of love. In fact, tradesmen probably have an unsuspected edge in the romantic world. As would-be author and Smith College graduate Bernadette Marie Miller has remarked, "I'm searching for the carpenter of my dreams."

Some More Dating Dilemmas

Please Help. My best friend (I call him that because he is and because I don't really know if he is my boyfriend.) and I have been dating for just over seven years. We have had our ups and downs just like any couple. We have always been able to work out our problems and move on.

Now, though, I am lost. We broke up, meaning we don't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, in April. He was unhappy with the way I treated him while I was away. Anyway, he said he needed his time and space to get over it which I agreed with and advocated. He only took two weeks before he was calling me again. I love him very much and we have been inseparable ever since. Unfortunately, though, he doesn't tell me he loves me. Instead, he will make comments, especially whenever we are out, about doing the same thing with another girl and then ask me if it bothers me. Of course it bothers me and he knows it but I know for a fact that he isn't doing anything with anyone else.

Now for the big problem...how do I get him to admit to me that he isn't doing anything with anyone else and that he does still care about me? Everyone can see it...me, my friends, his friends, even his little sister. Please help me.

I think there are still some unresolved issues here that you haven't mentioned. Readers, what do you think?

I need some advice. I was seeing this guy for about 7 months and fell so in love with him. After we "officially" called it off, he started seeing someone else 3 days later, they're still together. She is not good for him and has him mixed up in some bad stuff. We are supposedly friends but it's not the same. He knows he's made a mistake but he thinks there is nothing he can do about it now. If I truly believed he was happy I'd move on, but I know he's not. I've been dating around but

There's this girl in my class. She likes me,and I like her, but ALL the other guys like her (she IS pretty!). Last year I got to know her because I sat next to her and I had some time alone to talk to her . But when I approach her during a free period, I get run over by other boys thinking the same thing! I KNOW she likes me because she SAID so ! What do I do ??

Look, all you gotta do is ask her out! You know she likes you, you know you like her. What's stopping you? The other guys? Talk to her sometime when there's nobody else around. Or, get her phone number and ask her out over the phone. Trust me, it works. Oh, and screw the other guys!

Um....how exactly do I ask her out ? What's the best way of saying "I'd like to go out with you "?

Be specific and friendly--would you like to go out for dinner with me on Saturday?

The words matter less than the sentiment. The first time I asked my wife out, I was so nervous I said, "Would you like to have weekend with me this dinner?"

I just can't do it argh! I must be THE shyest person in the world! Ok, so I can talk to my iguana fine, but girls, no way! I never dated in high school, and am in my freshman year at college. There's a girl I really like, but well, the shyness thing.......

You have to learn how to be more comfortable taking with women if you ever want anything to happen. And while now I am the world's most foremost dating authority, once I was in your shoes. And my freshman year, I made it a point to talk to this one girl who worked in the local Weis supermarket, who was also in my English class. Well I finally got around to asking her out to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Afterwards we talked for a long while then I kissed her. And kissed her. And kissed her. And suddenly I knew it didn't matter that I hadn't been a dating wonder, but she liked me and I liked her.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year. and 2 months now but there is only one problem...I can't tell him anything that a normal relationship being this long would b/c he is a very jealous person when it comes to things that I have to do. Let me explain, he wants me to be right there by his side all the time, which is fine, but he goes a little too far. He does want to hear about anything that would or could diminish our future together; therefore, we don't talk about college (well he does b/c he wants to stay around here,but I don't so it's not mentioned). Anyway, school, family problems, friends are never discussed b/c it throws a loop in our relationship. It is very hard for me to tell him things that would normally be discussed. My family and I are supposed to be taking a family trip tomorrow and I still haven't told him b/c I don't know how to, he is just that way-he would not understand!!!! So, my question is ....How do I do it? I mean don't get me wrong he is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me but he is nothing like what I would Like him to be sometimes (emotionally) so how do I deal with it?

If your controlling boyfriend is one of the best things that happened to you then you have a lot better things in store for you. Unless your boyfriend changes, I can't see a future for this relationship. Readers, any other ideas?

Donna: His controlling behavior and jealousy will lead to violence. This is not
the best thing that will ever happen to you. You are so young, please
get out. I know that you think it is love, but it is not. You are his
possesion. Please take advice from someone who has been down that road.
He should be encouraging your decisions, not getting mad at you for
making choices for yourself.

These people who write in to you are complete social idiots. They obviously have had little to no exposure to social situations, or for that matter, the opposite sex. You could respond to all their letters "do what feels right." Oh well, I suppose I was once like them when I was a virgin years back. Hee, hee......

Think you could give better advice? Then get your own web page. Otherwise, just do what feels right.

I have a problem. I know what to do, but I just can't seem to forget about it. Here is the situation. Last September I met a guy from a local bar. We find out that we are both under age. We find out that he lives very close to me, 2 miles. We have so much in common. We hang out until January, two days before my birthday. As I was dancing I looked over by some tables where he was and I see him kissing my friend.

That was it, I took off and cried my eyes out. After that I said who needs them anyway. So I dropped them, she obviously was not a friend of mine, and he was not worth going for. So two months later we start talking again at the bar. So from then on we have been really good friends. We saw each other about 3 days a week and did everything together. We had a very fun friendship. I was also dating this other guy because I had moved on. Then the friend asked me for a second chance. I told him that I don't give second chances, because then there would be a third and a fourth. Then a month later, we start getting more intimate in our relationship as friends. I blew off this great guy that I was dating for this dweeb. This guy, asked me to be his girlfriend a little more then a month ago. I told him I was not ready yet to commit because I was still dating a guy. I was hoping that I would be able to commit with him the following week when we were going camping together.

Well I still was not ready, he turned me off. See I am very fickle, but for some reason this guy has a hold on me. We then about 2 weeks ago my parents were gone on vacation so I had him take me home from the bar and I told him that I really liked him and that I wanted to be his girlfriend. He said okay and that he really liked me a lot too. Well a week goes by. He has not called me. I don't call men because I am afraid I might call at bad times. So I see him at the bar at the concert and I confronted him. I asked him why he is backing away and asked him what he wanted. He said he knows what he wants but he knows he will F@#K up. He doesn't want to hurt me. I told him this is his 2nd chance--take it or leave it. Well, he couldn't answer me. I finally got the real reason why he couldn't commit, because it is summer!

Okay! I don't need him anyway! So I said have a good summer and I walked away. 3 days later he call me up and starts talking about the relationship again. We talked for two hours till 2 in the morn. He said he will call me back in the afternoon the next day. Well I have not heard from him since. My problem is that everything reminds me of him, and there is this revenge in the back of my mind. It also doesn't help that I hang out where he hangs out. I miss our friendship, but it can never be the same.

After a long vacation, I'm back with the feature you love most: dating dilemmas.

I have a bit of a dilemma. My boyfriend and I just broke off our long distance, 2 year relationship, and now I found out that a good friend of his that lives closer to me is REALLY interested in me. But I only really thought of him as a friend, and next year me and the guy with the crush on me are moving across the country to go to university together.

I'm confused, because I'm kinda interested, but every time we're alone together, he doesn't try a thing. Like nothing.

How are you showing your interest in him? Try inviting him to get ice cream or go for a walk. When you're alone, try sitting really close to him. He'll get the idea. Readers, any better ideas?

Catawba: You go in for the kiss-I don't understand why it's such a hard thing for girls to do, considering us guys always have to.

I've got a bit of a problem. Basically, my best friend met a guy several months ago, and they hit it off. They were "kind of" together, on and off, for a few months. Now my friend has made it very clear she wants to be only friends with him.

Here's the problem- I've been spending quite a bit of time with this guy, and last night, while looking for something to do late at night, we somehow ended up making out for quite a while.

He seems to want to pursue this and so do I, but how do I tell my friend? I'm afraid she'll be upset, and her friendship is important to me but so is this...

I'm going out with this girl who I have only know for a short time. Say 5 months maybe. Anyway, we get along fine, but she never seems to open up. I mean, I try to be nice to her and all, but we just never do anything. She doesn't show any affection or anything. (we've only been going out for a few days) I know she likes me, she said so herself (before I said I was interested). She also confided in me that she is very nervous and doesn't know how to act around me. Being my first girlfriend, I'm not quite sure either, but I know we should be closer.

Any advice on how to get here to come around? Or how to make here feel more comfortable?

Try to ease off on the pressure and let things develop at their own pace. Start by holding her hand when you're together and giving her a big hug every time you see her. Compliment her regularly and try to do stuff that she's interested in. Readers, any help for marked?

Yesterday, I saw an attractive, intelligent and humorous woman working behind the counter in Waldenbooks, and I'd really like to get her to go out with me.

The problem is, there is no good way to ask out a clerk without looking like a desperate fanboy or a stalker.

If I wanted to try dating this girl, what are my best options for getting her to notice me and not think I'm crazy, since she doesn't know me? I'd really appreciate some advice here. Thanks for your help.

Why not try the straight ahead approach, "Hi, how are you? I know you don't know me, and I don't want you to think I'm some kind of desperate fanboy, but I would like to get to know you better. Here's my phone number and I'd really like to hear from you."

Buffy: I would NEVER call up a boy who just handed me his phone number out of the blue like that. I recommend getting to know the girl first. Start by introducing yourself and talking to her and complimenting her every time you see her to get her to open up and form a connection to with you, so that you're not a total stranger. THEN drop your phone number.

Been-there-
&-done-that Sally: Giving a woman your phone number and expecting her to cold call.

Too direct, too masculine...too already off balance. But maybe *I'm" the oldster. "Here's my phone number...." ( weeny-armed idea; when is the "right time" to call?, what if he isn't home, if the woman calls him then...what...isn't the CALLER on the hook to have a REASON for calling?

And, if the guy asks me "What would you like to do?" I am very much menaced by the Dutch Date (or *I* pay insinuations of such a female-initiated phone call). In place of the final "Here's my phone number....," why not "Um I was wondering if you'd be willing to let me buy you a coffee, perhaps when you get off work, or before work one of these days?" If yes, then MAKE the date right there. Today, tomorrow, next week, or whatever. Don't falter for leading and consummating the first date; it sets the framework for everything else from there on out (if *I* have to check for the opera tickets, I usually pay for them, and am the driver, the arranger, the lead throughout the relationship. I don't enjoy this role.

I also have a running list of "let's go out sometime" dates that have never occurred---this approach is boring, indicates an indecisive personality... Betty This approach would scare most women off. The best way would be to go there regularly and chat to her and get to know her before making this move. Uffy You've got your hands full! It's going to be tricky, with all the hype over crazy stalkers. I'd spend some time chatting with her casually (get real interested in lots of books real quick) and if you find a common interest, invite her to go with you and some other friends to whatever it is.

Ann: If you're really interested don't leave it up to her to call you, ask what time she gets off and if she would like to go have coffee or some other beverage. Keep it light, keep it humorous, everyone hates the smell of desperation. Good luck Nancy Could work. Another option...compliments are under-rated.... "You're really cute/pretty, and I was wondering if I could take you out."

I'm a 16 year old girl who broke up with her boyfriend of four months six weeks ago. The problem is that I still love him, and all of our friends say it's obvious that he still loves me. We also still talk on the phone for hours and do stuff together.

It also doesn't make any sense that we broke up. We broke up two days after the prom. He was constantly telling me he loved me. I mean the day after prom he was telling his mom how much he loved me and how he must have lucked out somewhere along the line to have met a girl like me, and then the next day he breaks up with me? Got any advice for a . .

Everything is great, except one thing. She has BO. I don't know exactly how or if I should bring it up. It isn't that bad, but it can be kind of a turn off.

I guess taking a shower together is out of the question. I have to say that this question exceeds my powers as an advice columnist. Readers, can you help Fishy?

Jessica: The best way to tell your girlfriend that she has B.O. is not to tell her. Simply
buy her a basket of perfumes and body sprays. Almost all women like them.

Then she'll use them and your problem is solved! Arthur If she is a woman who has a good sense of humor, just tell her jokily and maybe she will get the point. Don't use this unless your a REAL gambler.

Well, here's the story. My boyfriend and I just ended a two year relationship. He said he wanted more time alone (we were previously living together)and I agreed. But I want him back. The problem is, he keeps confusing me. He says that he wants to spend time with me, but not always. I told him that I would "date" him if that would make him feel better,but he doesn't want to listen.I don't know what to do. Should I get on with my life, should I try to get him back? I need some help, I'm going crazy!

P.S.-He's really a nice guy,the man of my dreams. He treats (treated) me like a queen.

I'm guessing that state would be California. But forgive me, you had a question. You can't lead a horse to water or a boyfriend back to your loving arms if he (the boyfriend, that is) doesn't want to go. I think you just have to give your guy some time alone and see what happens. But let's see what the readers think. Send in your response to State of Confusion.

Pierre: I think you have to get on with your life. The man is taking you for granted!!! Look around and be patient because there are other "man of my dreams". Live life in the present and not in the past! What has happened, happened--time to move on.

I have found this super sweet guy who is very compatible with me. The problem is, we're both shy when it comes to that stuff. Also, whenever I go to flirt with him directly, this other guy who wants to go out with me comes in and takes my flirting as if it were directed to him.

I want to get closer, but I fear rejection and looking like a loser if he doesn't feel the same way. I'm also old fashioned, and have this thing about the guy making the first move. I guess it was the way I was raised.

If you want something, you have to be willing to put yourself on the line. If your feelings aren't reciprocated, wouldn't you like to know now so you can find yourself someone new? Or, even better, what if your intended is just waiting for a signal from you?

Jimbo's advice: check out the movie schedule this weekend and see if your friend wants to accompany you.

I am a 20 year old college student. There is a girl that I graduated from high school with that goes to a nearby college, and we will both soon be home from school for the summer. We have been friends since the 6th grade. The thing is, my feelings for her really have been changing over the past year or so. Every time I see her now, I get this funny feeling I've never had before. I've somehow gotten to the point where I'd like to be more than just friends. But I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how she feels exactly, and I don't want to say something stupid that would ruin a great relationship. What should I do?

I am dating this guy that lives in Missouri and I live in Maryland. How should I get to know him better? I email him whenever he can, but it's just not enough. We aren't usually on the Internet at the same time so we can't chat in a chatroom. I have his phone number and he has mine, but I am too afraid to call him. He said he sent his picture in the mail, but I haven't gotten it and I am afraid to send him one of my pictures, because I'm sure he will think that I am ugly. (Though all my friends, relatives, former boyfriends, and many others have told me otherwise.)

Long-distance relationships are hard to sustain, but why not let your relationship mature at its own pace?

You could schedule times to get together in a chat room or even create private web pages for each other.

I'm 17. There's a girl I've like since 8th grade, and I just don't know what to say. I guess you could conclude I'm plagued by fear. I'm not some zit-covered nerd; on the contrary I'm quite the opposite. I just am so unsure as to how I should go about this whole thing. You have to understand the hesitation... I've liked this girl since eighth grade; I don't wanna screw it up now. Pleeeeez gimme some tips on what to say here, I'm dying!

I am a 17 year old male and am doing last year high school. I recently met a girl in the same class as I am, but I find it very difficult to go over and talk to her without looking as though I like her. Of course I may be totally wrong in this way of thinking. Should I be making it clear that I'm interested in her?

Also, we have only talked for a few minutes here and there. I was wondering if it's ok to ask a girl out, to say a movie, without really getting to know them? Or would it be better to try and talk to her more and get to know her, before I go asking her out?

This might sound lame, but if anyone my age is reading, how much time should I spend with a girl I'm going out with at school? Should I spend all of my lunch times, free periods, etc to be with her? Or is it better to keep the relationship to the weekends?

There are two kinds of people: those who take things too fast and those who take things too slow. You're both in the second category. Start talking with the object of your intentions. By showing your interest, you'll soon see if she's interested as well. Wishing won't make a relationship happen, talking will.

Binky, as for your question about how much time, I'll leave that to the readers. How would you advise Binky. Let me know.

Jessica: It just depends on you and your girlfriend. Sometimes it feels right to spend ALL your time together...sometimes it doesn't. My advice ask the girlfriend how she feels about the topic. In my case, I have noticed that the more time you spend together when you first start dating, the more rapidly the relationship moves. Good Luck! T Only spend as much time with her as she is comfortable with. How you'll find that out, I don't know, but you don't what to smother her or seem too distant. Try starting a certain amount of time with her (your choice) and just building from there. Make sure to watch for any attitude changes toward you ( small or big warning signs ). Everyone's different, so you'll have to spend the time to find out. Good luck;)

Hazel: I believe that you should make it clear that you like the girl, such as
hints here and there, lending the girl things like your hat, paying more
attention to her, and complimenting (that's definite way to attract a girl).
I would also say that you should talk to the girl a little more before you ask her
out because it might make her nervous or something, whereas knowing a person
makes life easier. :)

Next I believe spending time together is important....but not TOO much time.
Hanging out with her in the hallways, talking on the phone, and seeing
each other on weekends are good....but if you go out of your way to see her every
free second you have than it gets to be too much. ( I would know....I'm 16.
:)~) Good luck!!

I am 18 years old, pretty good looking but have never had a girlfriend. I really like this girl who I work with. I'm usually pretty shy but I find it easy to talk to her and she has always been real friendly to me. The problem is she's a couple years older than me and is real good looking. I'm not sure what my chances are with her. How do I Find out if she interested in me?

You won't know until you give it a go. If you have a good rapport with her, she's probably interested--unless she has some previous romantic entanglement. Stop waiting and start living. Ask her out!

Side note about the age difference: I work with someone who is two years younger than his wife. They first started dating when he was 18.

Angel: JOE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT AGE. TRY NOT TO CREATE AN ATMOSPHERE OF UNEASINESS.

I have a girl friend, but I am to shy to kiss her. We have been going out for three weeks. what should I do!!!!!

Just kiss her. If it is too much for you to start with a liplock, start at her hand and work your way up (for tips, watch Gomez on the old Addams Family TV series).

I know from personal experience that if you can't work up the nerve to kiss your girl, the relationship won't last and you'll regret your lack of initiative.

Now I find myself with a question for you. I am a 19 year old male from Ann Arbor, Michigan. I was going out with a girl who is 18 for a month. Then one night, I noticed a change in her behavior. She seemed more hostile toward me. Later that night, she dumped me. In the following month and a half, we saw a little of each other, but I was involved with another girl by then. Whenever I saw my ex, she seemed fairly indifferent towards me. Recently, however, the other girl that I split with the other girl I was involved with as I realized that she was really starting to grate on me.

I saw my old ex later that week, and it seemed to me that she was nicer, back to her normal self. Now I find that I would like to get back together with her. What it all boils down to is this: I dated this girl for a month, she dumped me, it's been about a month and a half since then, and now I want to go out with her again. What should I do?

Personally, this girl doesn't sound like babe-o-rama material to me. But you're young and maybe you need to find out for yourself. And maybe you're a masochist.

I'm a 17 year old girl who can't seem to find anyone to date. I have a lot of male friends and I am very popular. Why can't I find a boyfriend? Can you give me some advice on how to let a boy know that I like him, and want to be more than friends?

Keep doing what you are doing, but turn it up a notch. Pick out one guy and let him know
through your interest in what he's doing that you really care for him. Or just take the
plunge and ask him out for a movie (hey, it's the Nineties).

Last Thursday, I E-mailed someone from one of my college courses and asked her if she would like to go to lunch. We have conversed a little bit in class. Anyway, she agreed to lunch this Thursday. When I date, which is seldom, I take it rather seriously. What I'm really wondering is if this is considered a date. I would probably guess that it is just lunch. But when do people who see each other every day actually start "seeing" each other and stop "just going to lunch? Am I jumping the gun on this?

Thanks. The lunch went terrifically. In fact we're meeting again this Saturday. Coincidentally, it just happens to be sweetest day. Next dilemma. Do you think I should bring her some flowers when we meet for lunch? Nothing over the top of course but a little something. Or do you think it's too much too fast?

I met this girl not so long ago. Here's how it all started. I've seen her around her job, so I decided to go get my suit dry cleaned just to see her. That same day she said "Consider yourself lucky, I gave you 20% off." Anyways, the day I went to pick up the suit I asked for her number and she gave it to me.

About a week later I took her out to dinner, a fancy French restaurant. She loved the night we spent. Since then, I've been talking to her over the phone and visiting her at work.

Now the problem is sometimes, she seems to like me and sometimes she's acting weird. I've been talking to her for about 3 weeks now. We have plans to go see Romeo and Juliet the movie on Fri. I haven't really kissed her except a kiss on the cheek.

1. What should I do that night? 2. Should I take somewhere after or before the movies. 3 Should I get flowers? 4. Should I ask her if she wants to be in a relationship?

2. Yes and yes. Find someplace where you can really have a chance to find out what she's all about.

4. Hold on thar! Whoa Nelly (and other words to that effect). Take it easy and just let what happens happen. (But, of course, kiss her--a second date demands it.)

Here is my problem, This girl I have known for many years wants to be more than friends.

She is the youngest sister of my old college roommate. Please understand she really would be without a doubt the best looking girl I have ever gone out with, however I don't think my wife would approve!

I really liked the way things were. She comes over to the house anytime, we go out to bars together, even do a little dancing together. We are best friends. I always felt like a big brother to her. Now she will not talk to me. I feel as if I lost a lifelong friend.

In case you were wondering I am 35 and she is 23 and captain of the lacrosse team at the college she attends.

Why hasn't your wife thrown you out of the house? Your choice is clear--your wife or your 23-year-old honey.

I'm 21 years old and have never dated a girl in high school, nor in my first three years in college. I am good looking and I don't have any limbs falling off of my body, nor am I a creep or a geek. I'm very personable and I do go out of my way to meet women (and not only at the bar). Nonetheless, sometimes I really wonder if I never will ever meet that special someone, or anyone for that matter. Right now there is one girl that I'm friendly with that I'd like to take out. Asking her out isn't the hard part, but how do I let her know that I'm interested in her and hopefully get the same response.

Asking her out isn't the hard part? Who are you trying to kid? If asking her out is so difficult, how come you haven't done it yet? Ah yes, fear of rejection. How can you tell if a woman likes you as more than a friend? Look for the signals. (After all, you don't have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.) If that fails, take my quiz below:

Does your intended innocently (and oh so casually) touch your arm or shoulder when you are talking with her?

1 Point--Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! It doesn't look good. Be ready for some hard-core damage to your already fragile ego.

3 Points--Hello, Mr. Babe-Magnet. What are you waiting for? Kiss her, you mad, passionate fool.

P: I feel for you. I am in a similar situation - 21, college, have no problem asking people out - but only I can't. I have an obsessive boyfriend who has a stranglehold on me. So if I meet or see someone I like I know I could get the courage to ask them out I just don't know if it's worth the trouble of closing the deal/grip that my boyfriend has on me right now? See what I mean?

I'm a 35-year-old guy, pretty good looking, but with a little gray in the hair. I';m really interested in someone younger, say 25 or so, but the women I've approached shy away right off the bat. I'm not forward, but I am flirtatious. Do chicks catch vibes about you?

Do chicks catch vibes about me? Yes, but so far I have managed to elude the authorities.

Concerning your situation, I've done extensive research at the Foundation for Dating Dilemmas and I have come to some interesting conclusions.

You seem dangerously like someone who likes to prey on younger women. Otherwise, why target a specific age group? After all there are babe-o-ramas who look better at 50 than some of the youngsters you are trying to hook up with. That said, you still need some practical advice: get rid of the gray, get a new haircut, and you will look five years younger. Good luck!

Visit a barnyard. Cheap (and corny) jokes aside, you still need some practical advice. Join a club, volunteer at a hospital, go to church--anything that will bring you in regular contact with persons of the desired gender. The world is a strange and wonderful place and somewhere there is a woman for you to love (should we warn her!). Good luck.

I am 52 years old and a very young 52. Most men my age are old looking and acting. Do you have any suggestions for finding Mr. Right?

Take a page from Cher's book--date younger men and, while you're at it, drop your last name (helps you avoid the authorities if you happen to pick up someone who would qualify as jailbait). Look for guys who are interested in the same type of things that you are. Best bet to find an active, vibrant man to call your own: outdoors clubs (biking, hiking, and sailing).

Saying "I Love You"

The Proper Way to Woo

Some More Dating Dilemmas

Send your dating dilemma to Jimbo's Big Book of Dating